Fitting in is totally out of style now, right?! Too bad my inner child has not caught up with this trend. Maybe it’s not so much ‘fitting in’ that I have a thing with, it’s more about being liked and having friends. It goes back to my childhood when I didn’t have a lot of friends, and I definitely didn’t fit in (so maybe it’s a little of both). Continue reading
Life moves so fast
People go different directions
Suddenly the present is the past
Memories once vivid
Become blurry and faded Continue reading
Friendship has always been hard for me.
As far back as I can remember, all I’ve ever wanted is to be accepted and liked by my peers. I think most people have this innate desire. For some it is more subconscious while others are more acutely aware of their hankering to belong. Continue reading
So much to be thankful for and such fleeting feelings of gratitude. I have everything I need in life and most of what I want, yet uncertainty fills my mind with unease and poisons positivity. Many days I find myself wandering around the house without direction or purpose. I feel confused and useless, it’s reminiscent of depression but I have to remind myself it’s NOT depression. There is a difference, though it can be hard to compartmentalize when all you have is time to mull it over and over and over again. Continue reading
As the plane drove upwards gravity pushed my back against the seat and I amusedly thought to myself, “My body will finally be as high as my anxiety has been the last two weeks…” It was a random thought, yet more random was the feeling of tranquility that washed over me the higher the plane rose in the sky. As though merging the height of my body with the metaphorical height of my anxiety actually made some kind of difference in how I felt. I was grateful nonetheless. Continue reading
I feel so fortunate as I sit here and tap these keys today. I am surrounded by loving and supportive people, whether they are near or far in physical distance, I am constantly reminded of their presence.
I’m breaking all of the ‘traditional’ rules today, my fellow TToT friends, and invoking the Secret Book of Rules (aka the Book of Secret Rules). I don’t know which number this rule is that I am invoking but that is beyond the point. I am not going to post ten thankfuls today *gasp* the horror, I know, even though I could easily come up with ten. Some weeks there are certain things that I am so thankful for they are worth far more than twenty different thankfuls would be combined. This is one of those weeks. So enough dilly-dallying around, let us get to the good stuff!
If Ra and I met at a coffee shop, it would look something like this… Her beautiful eyes would gaze at me with patient kindness as I shared with her the pain that weighs me down and makes it hard for me to breath.
She would tell me that I am loved, even when I can’t see it or feel it. She would tell me to keep writing because I’m good at it, even on the days I don’t believe I am.
We would talk about books and writing and goin on adventures. And after words are exhausted and all coffee consumed, the real adventure would begin.
An honestly honest conversation with a true friend via text.
A: do you have time to answer a question?
J: sure whats up
A: you’ve known me longer than pretty much anyone and you’ve watched like 98% of my friendships fail, you’ve also always been honest with me about shit. I’m trying to understand things about myself, this is one of them… am I a bad friend? honestly. Continue reading