I have a moment to breathe. A moment to sit back and think about the whirlwind of activity that is so demanding of my time and attention as of late. For the first time in months I don’t feel overwhelmed, though I fear this feeling won’t last.
A tidal wave of emotions has been constantly flooding my every waking moment. Anxieties at such peaked levels I’m not sure how I maintain breathing half the time. It is not for naught, there is a goal and an end in sight, though it feels a million light years away.
I am consumed with the task at hand, seemingly unable to focus on other aspects of my life that are important to me. I feel disconnected from my true self, and from the people who are meaningful to me. Time is a concept that is slipping through the cracks of my scattered thoughts, as I am always trying to make sure I’ve completed the necessities to face tomorrow.
I have been in an everlasting state of self-doubt no matter how frequently I prove myself wrong. I try to explain that anxiety is irrational, though my words seem to fall on deaf ears of those trying to console me. No matter how well I do, my brain says it’s not good enough. No matter how prepared I am, my brain convinces me I’ve forgotten something. I have a level of control in this equation somewhere, but my feet can’t find the ground right now. What I understand and know logically is not translating emotionally or physically.
My moment to breathe has lapsed.