Don’t Be A Flake

We have all known someone who fails to keep plans from time to time.  In fact, we have probably all been that person at some point in our lives.  Sometimes it’s unavoidable, emergencies pop up and we have to cancel at the last-minute – it happens.  Then there are the people who do this type of thing far too often and the worst part is, they don’t seem to think it’s a problem.  These people are flaky.  Their behavior implies they do not care about your time or your feelings when they continually bail on you at the last-minute.  It’s simple, don’t be a flake.

Tell me if you’ve ever had this conversation with someone:

Ring, Ring

You: Hello

Them: Hey

You: What’s up

Them: Are you home?

You: Yeah…

Them: Can I come by?

You: Uh, sure, what’s up?

Them: Just want to chat

You: Ok, when are you coming by?

Them: I’ll be there in, like, twenty minutes

You: Ok, I’ll be here

Them: See you soon

Click

Maybe you were doing the dishes or laundry, or about to vacuum.  Maybe you were going to take a nap or watch a movie.  BUT, whatever you were going to do, or were doing, you would gladly put on hold to have a chat with your friend, right?  So you tidy things up enough for company not to be disgusted by your lack of housekeeping skills if you’re anything like me.  Or if you’re really like me you don’t even bother with that nonsense because anyone who really knows you won’t care – but that twenty minutes comes and goes.  After forty-five minutes you text your friend and ask if they’re still coming.  Fifteen minutes later when you’ve gotten no response you text again with a few question marks???  Still no response.  

Seriously people?!?!

If this has never happened to you please go ahead and skip to the comments section to let me know that I am alone in ‘the battle of the flaky friends’ because this is a huge pet peeve of mine!  However, I am quite sure I am not alone and this epidemic should not be ignored.  Even if what I was doing, or was planning on doing, is seemingly inconsequential in the larger scheme of life my time still matters!!  I have feelings and being blown off for who-knows-what is simply not okay.  

Keeping your word is supposed to mean something, especially in a world that is so disconnected.  Yes, I said it – we are DISconnected in our constantly over-connected (in the wrong way) lives.  Just because we can be plugged into the world-wide web every second of the day does not mean that our connections with real life people have improved at all.  In fact, I think many would agree those connections have diminished.  You try to have a conversation with the person in front of you and they aren’t listening because they are having a conversation with someone via text or Facebook or twitter or checking Instagram or pinning something on Pinterest or snap chatting or, or, or…  Have we completely lost sight of simple manners?  Why make plans at all if you’re not going to show up or let the other person know that you’re not going to show up?

Keeping your word and doing what you say you will do shows your true character.  It is the judge of your character and lets others know what to expect of you.  If you continually go back on your word, others will know to expect nothing of what you say you will do and trust will falter.  If others can’t trust you then perhaps they won’t be there for you when you need them.  Friendship is a circle, it’s reciprocal – it doesn’t work otherwise.  Each person gives and takes, if one person takes more than they give on a continual basis the other person will feel abused and eventually let go of the abusive relationship as that is what’s in their best interest.  This logic extends past friendships to almost any kind of relationship, really.  

When you think about it, who is it really hurting when you flake on your friends?  Who is it going to hurt in the long run, when you’ve burnt those bridges and gone back on your word one too many times?  What do you want your friends, family, co-workers, or other acquaintances to think of your character?  How does it make you feel when someone flakes on you?

Strength of character is important.  Being dependable is an important quality of character.  You may think it’s no big deal to blow someone off once in a while but try to think of how it makes you feel when the situation is reversed.  We all have busy lives and our time matters, everyone’s time matters.  When someone sets aside time to spend with you, they are saying that you matter enough to make time for.  Simple manners go a long way in a world that seems to have forgotten many of them.  Let your friend know if you’re running late.  If you can’t make it, let your friend know why you can’t make it.  Just please, don’t be a flake.

 

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22 thoughts on “Don’t Be A Flake

      • I don’t think there’s a single word that describes that kind of person….but thoughtless and selfish come to mind, especially if it is something that happens repeatedly. There is also a touch of, and I’m struggling to find the word I want, but a “superiority” in that the person who does that obviously thinks its okay to be that way and to heck with the person(s) they are doing it to. THAT is selfish and demeaning and conveys a sense that the person waiting is not “worth” contacting to explain your absence….I don’t want people like that in my life generally…. I think of a “flake” as a good person who tends be a bit goofy…not unkind and irresponsible…if that makes any sense…I know lots of those kinds of “flakes.” 🙂

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  1. I have a friend that was so bad about this. I keep her at arms length now because of it. I just don’t expect anything from her. We haven’t seen each other in years. She very often cancels engagements at the last minute and is totally unreliable. One time she offered to make copies of my wedding tape to save me some cash. She took the tape and after a couple weeks of I’ll get to it so sorry life has been crazy, I said you know what never-mind, I have people from out of state that weren’t able to make it waiting for copies. I’ll just go and make some myself. She said okay I’ll see you next week and I’ll give it to you. A couple more weeks pass, canceled visits, apologies and excuses, still no wedding tape. I tell her no worries, I’ll just drive the hour and half to your house and pick it up. She’s not available, I say that’s okay just leave it under the mat for me and I’ll get it. No worries. So she agrees to leave it under the mat, again with apologies because now it’s been a month I don’t have my wedding video. So I drive down there on the agreed upon day, spoke with her the night before, and lo and behold she can’t even be trusted to put the tape under the mat for me. I was furious, and there was nothing I could do but drive the hour and half back home without my tape. She eventually did manage to get it to me, it was like 2 months after my wedding. It was my only copy. Our relationship has never been the same since. I wish her well, and we’re still facebook friends, but you can’t have much of a relationship with someone who is unreliable. 😦

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    • Oh my gosh!!! That’s a terrible story (and a terrible ‘friend’)! I simply don’t understand people like this. Is it really that hard to stay true to your word?? I mean, wow. I’m sorry you went through that. I guess sometimes we find out the hard way how important, or not important, we are to someone. If you ask me, it’s easier to not make the engagement in the first place if you can’t follow through!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Abbie- you are correct when you say that we are so connected that we are disconnected. Unfortunately being considerate and having manners are not two qualities that are valued in our society anymore. When someone flakes on you, they are basically telling you, “I am more important than you are and I had better things to do than be with you.” With those type of “friends” who needs enemies? Terrific post!

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  3. Great post! And I agree with you. We are so connected that we are disconnected. When I go out, I see group of people gathered in a coffee shop, each one of them connected to their smart device, but not connected to their peers. I tell myself, why do they bother and meet up, if the only thing they are doing is just using their smartphone, texting, tweeting, snap chatting, instagraming,…etc, and not talking to each other!
    And for the person canceling at the last minute; a friend of mine agreed with her friend to volunteer abroad with a group of volunteers. they have decided to meet up there. so my friend travels, and waits for her friend. she doesn’t come! so she calls her, no response! she texts and again no response! Imagine, for 3 days, and her friend never came back to her!! but then after that she calls and comes back with the lamest excuse ever!!! My friend was alone in a foreign country for 3 days!!!! And she couldn’t at least provide the volunteering group contacts to my friend!

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    • Yes, I see people doing the same things all the time – out with friends and glued to their phones!
      What happened to your friend is awful!! To make a commitment such as volunteering abroad and not keep your word is a travesty! I can’t believe your friend was in a foreign country alone for three days and the other person didn’t have the decency to contact them, it’s shocking how disrespectful some people are!!!

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  4. AMEN TO THIS! I hope I’m not too badly that kind of person. I do tend to run late, but I rarely cancel at the last minute and I wouldn’t DREAM of not letting someone know that things had changed. Whoever did this to you has a serious attitude problem 😦

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    • I don’t think you’re this kind of person AT ALL, Lizzi! This has happened to me on several occasions and it’s horribly rude, it drives me crazy!!! It’s simple, don’t make the plans to begin with or let me know you can’t make it – done. Ya know?!

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  5. I’ve had this experience. I put it down to people struggling with their own problems and being unable to communicate that effectively – even by message apology. But maybe I’m being too considerate in my assessment. At the very least, it’s bad manners not responding to you in any way.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I have certain family members that I’ve stopped trying to do anything with because I got tired of their flakiness. If you don’t respect me enough to at least call and tell me you’re going to be an hour late (and then show up mad at ME because I’m on time), then I need to stop making time for you. I just see flakiness as rude and disrepectful of other peoples’ time and feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Couldn’t agree more about the mobile phone thing, it really boils my piss when I’m chatting with someone and they’re fannying about with their phone!

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