Starting to Heal – TToT #7

It is pretty amazing how much things can change in a week, my friends.  Not to say my life is suddenly grand and all of my worries have washed away with the Spring rain… But, I’ll take the two days (in a row I might add) that I’ve gone without crying and take that as a win, loves.


I met with my psychiatrist last week to go over the results of the DNA testing he had done.  I guess it’s a pretty new diagnostic tool in the world of psychiatry.  With a simple cheek swab they can tell you which psychotropic medications your body can metabolize and which ones it cannot.  In fact, it reveals quite a bit more information than just that and gives the doctor a guide (so to speak) as to which medications are more likely to work for individual patients.  I found out that I can’t metabolize folic acid, which controls dopamine in the body.  It wouldn’t even help if I took a folic acid vitamin because my body wouldn’t be able to metabolize that.  I have to take an even more broken down vitamin form of folic acid.  I also found out that I can’t metabolize any SSRI anti-depressant medications, which is an entire class of anti-depressants such as Prozac and Lexapro (both of which I was on for years (at separate times)).  The reason I have so much anxiety is because my body produces too much adrenaline.  Very interesting stuff here, people.  

I know not everyone points out their thankfuls, but I feel like all of the above might be a bit ambiguous and I think there are a few there so I’m going to explain…  I’m thankful that my psychiatrist is on the cutting edge of his profession and utilizing the latest methodologies to best serve his patients.  I’m thankful to know more about my body, to have a better understanding of how it works, and to know what is causing, at least, some of my illness (is that one or three?  I say three!).  I’m thankful that any medication my doctor prescribes henceforth has the best possible chance of successfully fighting my depression!

The result of the visit with my psychiatrist was indeed a pretty major medication change.  I knew it was coming, I’ve known for over a year that I needed it, but I have also been dreading it.  I realize that if you’ve never dealt with an illness such as Major Depressive Disorder (where medication changes occur, typically, many times over the years) it is almost impossible to understand where I’m coming from.  You will just have to trust me when I tell you that med changes are the WORST.  Today is day 4 of the new meds and I am starting to feel like a human being again.  The first two days all I did was cry and cry and cry.  I was angry with almost everyone, I was having suicidal ideations, I spent both days at my in-laws’ house because everyone was afraid I was going to harm myself (including myself).  For four nights now I have tossed and turned in a cold sweat, which makes Abbie a very unhappy camper (sleep is in my top ten favorite things ever).  Are you wondering yet where the thankful is in all this?!  Well, I *seem* to have gotten through the worst of it.  So hallelujah for that!

Yesterday was the best day I have had in months.  Which is kind of funny because parts of it were not great at all, well one part of it, but that’s been resolved so I’m not even going to think about it anymore.  I finally got my lazy, depressed, isolated self out of the house and to the beach!!!  And oh what a gorgeous day it was ::sigh:: 🙂 ❤ I put my earbuds in and walked THREE MILES!  I couldn’t tell you the last time I got that much exercise, which I am paying for today mind you, but it was SO worth it.  My husband works at a resort on the beach, it’s actually how and where we met but that’s a story for another time.  I will tell you, however, that I grew up coming to that same resort with my family every year for spring break (long before my husband worked there) so the place feels like a slice of home to me.  The image to the right is a shot I took from the bar at thegratitude restaurant, called Waldo’s, yesterday while I was munching on some fries before my walk on the beach.  Not a bad view, eh?!  I am so thankful for the sunshine, for days like yesterday.  I’m thankful for the beach and the ocean, for the way they soothe my soul when it’s aching so much.  I’m thankful for showers after days at the beach and 50 SPF that keeps my very pale skin from getting fried!  I’m thankful for The Driftwood Resort and Waldo’s Restaurant for being my home away from home and giving me a sense of peace and belonging even when I’m there all by myself.  I’m thankful for music that makes me want to sing and dance even when people look at me like I am the craziest person alive, which I often feel like!  And I am so far over ten thankfuls at this point I lost count!  Check out this awesome commercial for Waldo’s and see what you’re missing, loves!  Then call The Driftwood to make a reservation so you can feel the magic I feel every time I’m there.



36 thoughts on “Starting to Heal – TToT #7

  1. Often I don’t want to read posts about depression. They scare me. I’ve been managing pretty well for a while, and it is an abyss I would rather not think about.

    But the is great news and very interesting. Yes, changing meds can be a nightmare. You offer a nice positive perspective. Congratulations, and I hope the new science works well for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m impressed with the results of your psychiatrist using the DNA testing, especially the information on what you can’t metabolize. So many people, and their doctors, struggle so hard and long trying to find the right meds by trial and error, there is real hope in that method. Its heartening to read of something actually working. reblogging

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, it really is incredible science, groundbreaking. I should mention I had to be approved as indigent as I currently do not have health insurance and the test would have cost between $3,000-$4,000 out of pocket. I do not know what the coverage is like for those with insurance.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow! This is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. Medication changes are awful – make you feel worse before you feel better – and this can go on for weeks and then you still might not feel better… Wow. To be able to rule out certain meds without having to put yourself through unsuccessful trials. Geez. I hope EVERY psychiatrist in the world is doing this. MIND. BLOWN.

    And I am so happy for you. Stay well xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Kate!!! My mind was blown too (once it was clear enough for me to think straight)! Fingers crossed I reach partial (or full!!!) remission 😃 Your support is SO appreciated!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hey Abbie. I’m so happy your day at the beach uplifted you. How could it not? That is pretty fascinating stuff about the DNA and brain chemicals. I’m glad you are feeling better and can enjoy more days on the beach. The photos are lovely.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Val ☺️ It was a beautiful day and I do love the beach, there’s just something about it that fills me up inside! The DNA stuff really is amazing, all psychiatrists should be using it. Watching my doctor as he went over the results was great, even he was excited to better understand why I feel the way I do (not that I’m the first patient he’s used it on, he’s just passionate about his work)! Anyway, thanks (again) so much for reading and sharing your kind thoughts!!!


  5. You are kidding me. I saw The Driftwood and I thought — there’s no way that’s The Driftwood I remember as a kid. Then I watched the video. I grew up in Winter Park — before Disney. That means I’m old as dirt. I remember going to The Driftwood. I was young. Like 5 or 6. It made such an impression on me. Very cool. Glad you have a doctor that is fighting for you. I know from experience with loved ones how the right medication can be life changing. Looks like a beautiful day at the beach. I grew up going to New Smyrna. We had a place there for 30 years.

    Liked by 1 person

    • What a small world! Do you still live in Florida?
      As far as my doctor goes, I have had to fight tooth and nail for this kind of attention, to get him (or any doctor) to fight for me the way I have needed someone to fight for me. Which is why I am so thankful to have finally gotten to this point, even knowing that there is a very good chance I will have to go through yet another medication change (if not soon sometime down the line, as these meds often don’t work forever even when they do work). So thank you for recognizing my win 🙂 And yes, the right medications can most definitely be life changing, let’s hope this change does the trick for me!
      Thanks so much for reading! So cool that you know The Driftwood 🙂


  6. So…WOW! I didn’t realise the medication change was a result of something so groundbreaking, and…WOW! That’s HUGE information and so SO so useful. I really hope that’s why this med change is making such a difference – because it’s something your body can work with. And perhaps with more information of the same kind, your illnesses can be treated appropriately in ways which work with your physiology. This. Is. INCREDIBLE!

    I LOVE your beach, and that you got the impetus to go walking. HOORAY! I hope you don’t pay for it too hard, but what a wonderful thing to have done. I walked at the beach today, and it wasn’t nearly so warm or so pretty, but I enjoyed it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Did I really not explain the DNA testing to you?! Shows how well my brain is working right now, hahaha! I thought I had told you ALL of that already ::sigh:: silly me… It IS incredible though, eh?!
      Oh, I love my beach too ❤ and someday we will walk it together 🙂 with Hasty and Ra and hopefully a number of other bloggers at our very own meeting of the minds!
      I can't believe I didn't mention it in the post, I should've, but I am SO very thankful for YOU, Lizzi. You have been there for me through all of this mess, and we both know how ugly it has gotten. I could never thank you enough or put my gratitude into words, even if I knew all the languages in the world. I love you, Lizzi, thank you for everything. Hell, I wouldn’t even be writing TToT posts if it weren’t for you! ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Beach and ocean… nothing better (in terms of natural features of the planet).

    Glad you posted, there’s a thing that I get from reading Posts of people I know, here in the ‘sphere… it’s the glimpse into our lives that we offer whenever we post, but most especially in a bloghop like the TToT. and, (to me) it’s a sharing that is, somehow better than the ‘here let me share what happened to me today kind’ more of the glancing over a person’s shoulder and, for a second, maybe getting a glimpse of another person’s reality. Like reading a book, except real… if that makes any sense.

    ocean, though… can’t imagine living in the Midwest…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nothing better than getting real glimpses of others’ realities, best way to live more selflessly and be more compassionate (in my humble opinion).
      I was born and raised in the midwest, I HATED IT, hahaha! Upon graduating from high school I only applied to schools in California because I refused to stay in the midwest, and to California I went! Came to Florida on vacation and met the man who became my husband, so now I’m here in Florida, but I will NEVER live away from the coast again…

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I want to sit and eat my dinner on that deck at Waldo’s while the waves come in!

    I was so interested to hear about your experience with the DNA stuff. Had only just heard of the existence of this test a week or so ago. I can not wait to see how it revolutionizes treatment and improves people’s lives. Amazing science!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, May, dinner on the deck at Waldo’s is absolutely divine! I did add that link to The Driftwood Resort so you can make your reservation at the hotel 😉
      I’m excited to know you’ve heard of the DNA testing! Are you in the field? I also can’t wait to see how it affects psychiatry and the efficiency of patient relief, especially in my own case LOL! It is stuff like THIS that makes me love science so much, it is truly incredible what they come up with.
      Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂


  9. Ooh, this is the best post I’ve read this week.
    That resort/spot on that Florida beach sounds like a slice of heavenly goodness.
    That story of you meeting your husband there sounds sweet.
    Glad you seem to be through the roughest part of your med changes. I actually just heard about that cheek test. Isn’t science becoming incredibly specific? I had hopes of my own this week, in regards to the future of organ donation.
    Glad to hear you have your psychiatrist. Here’s hoping for less crying and more dancing like nobody’s watching, to music on the beach.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are so sweet, anybody ever tell you that?!
      You will have to join our (Lizzi, Hasty and mine) ‘meeting of the minds’ whenever it happens because I have decided it’s happening here and it truly IS a slice of heavenly goodness at the resort 🙂
      I have not yet gotten around to all of the TToT posts, so hopefully I’ll be reading more about the organ donation when I get to yours? Otherwise I expect a response with a full explanation 😉
      How funny is it that I literally danced on the beach in front of A LOT of people like the nutso I am?!! It was great though, more people should take that cliche literally!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Woo! That is AWESOME news! To figure out what meds won’t work for you, and figuring out what might, just through a DNA swab – what a fantastic tool! I’m so happy your doctor was able to do some detective work here and start finding answers for you. 🙂 Yay!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. This is a thing?
    How come I don’t know about this thing and is this in Canada?
    Does it have a name?
    I need to have this done. Seriously. I do.
    I think it’s fabulous. The fact that they are able to pinpoint what you can’t take — what?
    And I am just so happy for you. This is such a game changer. Really. Oh the hell you go through and then to have a day…even if it is just a day…that day can be so sweet isn’t it? I hope that this is like a long stretch of wonderful glorious magnificent days for you. oh this is hopeful.
    Peace and belonging and noticing all those little things at the beach — YES!
    This is fabulous.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It IS a thing, Kimberly!!! I would assume it’s in Canada if it’s in Florida! And it truly is fabulous, it’s groundbreaking science my friend 😊 I will find out the name for you (just as soon as I get myself out of bed this morning lol).
      And yes, even if it’s just one day that day was the best I’ve felt in AGES! So far, I’ve been feeling a bit better with each passing day, which is also something I haven’t been able to say in ages!
      THANK YOU for reading and sharing your lovely thoughts 😃 I’m so glad you did!


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