It’s hard for me to show my face here after being away for so long. You were all so generous in welcoming me to your group, and after my fifth TToT I disappeared. I’m not one for excuses, but in all honesty, Gram’s death deeply affected me. It seems things have steadily gone downhill since then, especially the state of my mental health.
I find myself here today for the same reasons Lizzi started the TToT. A huge part of me has lost the will to live, I have lost hope and I have lost all self-worth. I may or may not reach ten, and I am certainly enacting special rules as to how far back in time I am reaching for these thankfuls, but alas, I am here.
My husband is my lifeline. He has stepped up in leaps and bounds to advocate for me, to protect me, to comfort me. He is supportive and loving, despite the daily tears and having to constantly reassure me.
I am grateful that Gram passed peacefully.
I launched a new page on my blog, Depression: Catalyst for Change, which was received well. It is my effort to promote education, awareness, fight stigmas and cultivate a compassionate community regarding mental illness and depression. I’m thankful for the positive feedback.
My sister and brother-in-law tried very hard to get me into a treatment facility for my mental health. It is certainly not their fault that Florida’s mental health care system is a nightmare. Their love and support are cherished.
My parents, as always, have been as supportive as possible from 1500 miles away. Some days there’s nothing I want more than to cry in my mother’s arms, unfortunately, that’s not possible right now.
My in-laws saved me from a crisis and my mother-in-law has done some research to help me since I lost my job. I am grateful to them both.
Due to losing my job, my husband and I also lost our pre-approval for a mortgage loan. They say, whoever the fuck ‘they’ are, that everything happens for a reason. We never even got to look at one home. I’m thankful we didn’t fall in love with a place only to have the funds ripped out from under us, because of me.
I am thankful to my old, stinky, grumpy dog for letting me cry into his fur every morning for the past few weeks. Normally he won’t let me cuddle him at all.