Please Advise

Doctor,

I need your help.  I feel like it’s just getting worse.  This overwhelming sadness, a feeling of hopelessness like it will never get better.  I finally have a job I like and I’m terrified I will lose it due to an emotional breakdown.  I’m scared that I need to go to the hospital.

  1. I don’t want to lose my job
  2. We can’t afford it
  3. I’m afraid to be away from my husband
  4. I’m terrified of being in the hospital again.  Like, panic attack terrified.

Maybe I don’t need the hospital.  It just seems like no matter what we do with the meds nothing is working.  I feel like I am losing myself.  I know this is so common, but I have no interest in any of my favorite things anymore.  I’m wasting away.  The darkness is swallowing me and the weight is suffocating.  I don’t want it to take my life away, I don’t want to lose my job and owe the hospital five thousand dollars for stabilizing my meds.  Please advise. ASAP.

{A}

I really sent this email to my psychiatrist tonight.  #TheStruggleIsREAL

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21 thoughts on “Please Advise

  1. I am glad you were able to send this to your psychiatrist. That is HUGE. It means that you are not keeping it in. I hope you receive a prompt reply and if you don’t, email again. When is your next appointment?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks. I don’t have a next appointment. I don’t have insurance so each appointment is very expensive. I try to communicate with my Dr via this “patient portal” through emails, sometimes he responds other times he doesn’t. I’ll make an appointment if I have to. Really truly, thank you.

      Like

  2. First of all I want to clarify that I “liked” this post because it really, really resonated with me, not because I like the fact that you are suffering. Because I totally do not like the fact that you are suffering. I don’t tend to comment a lot, I tend to hit the “like” button as a way of saying “I hear you and support you.”

    I am really glad that you have a doctor that you were able to send this to and I hope that they will be able to find an effective way to help you very soon. I have been dealing with depression (I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder around the age of 16), anxiety,and panic disorder without the help of medications or doctors for over a decade. Partially because I haven’t been able to afford insurance or to use my insurance once I was insured, and partially because I remember the hell that was trying to find the right combination of medications to help stabilize me. The wrong drug actually hospitalized me because I was given a drug that someone who has bipolar disorder should never be on. So while I will never be able to understand exactly what you are going through right now because everyone’s experience is different, I do understand the crippling fear of being hospitalized again and the frustration when your treatment plan just isn’t working well enough or at all.

    I hear you, I support you and I am sending hope.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m so glad you decided to comment, it means a lot to me. Your story has similarities to mine, based on what you’ve shared here. It makes me think I should write about my journey through all of this more. As far as my current doctor, my faith in him is dwindling. He has changed my meds multiple times, it’s not getting better. I don’t have insurance so it’s all very expensive. I’m rambling… just know that your words and support are so very much appreciated.
      {A}

      Liked by 1 person

    • I wish for peace too. Right now, I’m just trying to remember to breathe and somehow get through these endless days. Thank you so much, I need to be reminded that I’m not alone. It’s such an isolating disease.

      Like

  3. I have moments when I feel really down on myself for various reasons, but nothing like what you experience. Knowing how bad I can feel when I get this way, I can’t even comprehend multiplying it to your level of panic/fear/sadness. Just know that from everything I’ve seen and learned about you, you are truly a fabulous person with loads of talent and plenty of people who care and think about you!

    Liked by 1 person

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