I feel like I’m standing still as life spins and whirls around me at lightning speed.
I get up, get dressed, go to work, come home exhausted, sleep, repeat. I’m lost in the must do’s and can’t seem to find space in my brain for the want to do’s. In the moments I have spare time I lack spare energy.
What frightens me most about my current state of existence, I think this is life. This is what being an adult should be like. I have been hiding from it, unwilling to succumb to it until it happened without my even realizing it.
I don’t recall anyone warning me that being an adult would be this difficult. Trying to make ends meet, balancing time between relationships, work, and self-care. Throw in mental illness, sick pets, a leaky roof, etc… it can get quite overwhelming! I realize now that I grew up sheltered from these adult problems. I also realize now that I am grateful to have grown up sheltered, my childhood was pure for the most part. Yet I am left unprepared to actually be an adult. It is so much harder than I thought it would be.
I believe there is hope. As with anything worth doing well, you must practice. And since there is no time for practice at this point, I have to practice by doing. I’ve only been doing the adult thing, and feeling the full brunt of it, for a short time now. I will find my flow and balance out the kinks. My body and mind will get used to the new schedule and it will no longer feel like my brain is melting inside my skull. At least I hope so.