An honestly honest conversation with a true friend via text.
A: do you have time to answer a question?
J: sure whats up
A: you’ve known me longer than pretty much anyone and you’ve watched like 98% of my friendships fail, you’ve also always been honest with me about shit. I’m trying to understand things about myself, this is one of them… am I a bad friend? honestly.
J: i think you’re a great friend. you’re negativity rules tho. sometimes it’s hard to handle.
A: so you think that is the friendship destroyer? the neg
J: i can’t think of anything else. ur not selfish. ur not cruel. ur honest. u don’t steal. ur fucking hilarious. ur fun. ur creative and sensitive and passionate. uv got a REALLY good heart.
ur a good listener
u give good advice
uv got amazing lips and eyes and an ass
A: you don’t think I’m selfish?
u get consumed w ur own bullshit
but selfish? No
A: I’m going to put my all into cognitive behavioral therapy
learn everything I can, live and breathe it, weekly sessions
J: good! what relationships just failed
A: Blah Blah
Blah Blah Blah
J: like recently?
J: oh i meant recently
like what brought this on
A: these are things that cause me to feel like a failure, I’m trying to find the root of this feeling, why its my deepest self hating feeling
friendships are one aspect
it’s more than failure, it’s “I’m not enough” that’s the cognitive aspect that has to change
it’s deeply ingrained
like a broken record that I can’t stop playing in my mind
J: but you are enough A
you’re a beautiful BEAUTIFUL person
you don’t think ur enough, so you become that
i know its much easier for me to say than to do….but…all you have to do is change your mind
you are stronger than your mind
you are stronger than ur faults
A: it’s something rooted deep in my psyche at this point, it’s subconscious, I have to learn how to recognize the triggers, how to neutralize the triggers and eventually eliminate them
J: what a fun challenge
i believe in you
A: I love you and thank you
it’ll be one hell of a fucking fight man
this goes back to how my sister tormented me when we were children man
our brains are crazy things dude, incredible things
J: i know
A: I kinda hate mine
J: ur brain?
J: she’s definitely a twisted bitch, but u can tame her. i know u can.
A: you have a way with words my dearest lol
J: : ]
*Certain names have been protected with initials or “blah’s” for purposes of anonymity