The following poem is one I wrote on June 5, 2007 and it still resonates deeply within me.  It shows the contradictions of depression, as I am eternally grateful for the many things I have in my life and the people who love and support me.  Yet I cannot control this crippling melancholia that has surrounded my life as far back as I can remember.

I know that I am truly blessed, and I don’t understand why I’m still depressed.  I wish that I could make you see that I don’t hold the key to unlock my misery.  The pain is lost in my head somewhere, and some days it’s really hard for me to bear.  I don’t know where to go from here and I don’t know what to do.  I’m trying my best to get through this alone because I just don’t know how to explain it over the phone.  I hate that you think I choose to feel this way, and I hope that you will understand someday.

Reading this now, and realizing that in one way or another I have always felt this way, is somewhat haunting.  It is the nature of the beast I suppose.  It’s not a life I would wish upon anyone.  If you know someone who is struggling in this way, show compassion.  You’re not expected to fix anything, or DO anything… just be kind.

(A)