The following poem is one I wrote on June 5, 2007 and it still resonates deeply within me. It shows the contradictions of depression, as I am eternally grateful for the many things I have in my life and the people who love and support me. Yet I cannot control this crippling melancholia that has surrounded my life as far back as I can remember.
I know that I am truly blessed, and I don’t understand why I’m still depressed. I wish that I could make you see that I don’t hold the key to unlock my misery. The pain is lost in my head somewhere, and some days it’s really hard for me to bear. I don’t know where to go from here and I don’t know what to do. I’m trying my best to get through this alone because I just don’t know how to explain it over the phone. I hate that you think I choose to feel this way, and I hope that you will understand someday.
Reading this now, and realizing that in one way or another I have always felt this way, is somewhat haunting. It is the nature of the beast I suppose. It’s not a life I would wish upon anyone. If you know someone who is struggling in this way, show compassion. You’re not expected to fix anything, or DO anything… just be kind.